Open, Honest, and Excited

Another fairly good day today, about +$377 I think. I also beat my daily average hands played across two sessions, the first session longer than the second. So I’m keeping the work rate up which is great. I have to say sometimes I wonder if blogging about these things is really worth anything, is it? Let me get self critical here for a moment. I suppose the whole process has some cathartic element to it, and it proves a useful outlet for my thoughts if I have nowhere to express them. However, I admit that I’m apprehensive about being too open on here. Human nature I suppose. As I type I’m still questioning its worth and how explicit I’d like to be in these posts about my life itself and not necessarily just about my gambling exploits. As frowned upon as gambling is I still feel very comfortable being open about that side of my life. Personal matters less so. A few prominent questions in my mind include, am I capturing anyones interest with this? Am I entertaining anyone with this? Should that concern me? Who am I doing this for? Even though it’s likely entirely for my benefit, why am I so worried about alienating anyone who might read this, despite my obvious anonymity?

 

There’s also the question of effort involved. I have a trait that makes me want to not settle for a half hearted effort so I MUST do everything I’m involved in well or not at all. My need to achieve this relative perfection de-motivates me I’m sure, but I still try. Blogging then, I can now see, is something that I WANT to do and not just something I should do. The thought of connecting a few of my thoughts to real life responses, from real people in the world out there, is an exciting prospect that obviously keeps the blogosphere churning out thousands upon thousands of posts everyday from millions of people enthusiastic about the same thing. It undoubtedly makes me return here as well. Just the thought of open collaboration gets me excited!

 

I feel somewhat daunted by the idea that I should blog everyday, like I’m competing for the attentions of readers out there. Thats not me at all. It weighs on me that I’m not willing to achieve that, even though I know I am capable of it; it’s whether I want to. Do I have anything valid to say? Does that even matter?

 

I think I have to accept that I’m not anyone else other than myself. If I were to try otherwise, I’d fail. I’ve never liked failure but I know it’s a part of the journey to success. So I’m not going to compare myself, in a blogging sense, what’s the point eh? How can I make a comparison between us, we’re entirely different, but we just express ourselves similarly. Not in words, but in type. Interesting little play on words there huh! I liked it J and I hope you did too. But it’s ok if you didn’t. I guess that’s what it comes down to.

 

Way off topic, but then again…I am the topic, an exploration in progress.

 

I’ll be a bit open here. I feel I owe it to my honest nature. You never know what good things can happen if you don’t put yourself out there. Recently, I broke up with my LOOOONG term girlfriend. We were together 14-15 years, longer than many marriages, yet we were not at that stage in my eyes. Close but not quite. I’ve always believed I would be married once and once only. I still think like that which is why I wanted to be sure. You might think 14-15 years is too long to be making that decision. I have thought did I waste my time? But what’s the point in thinking that way. It was what it was and I found out what I needed to know.  I’m sure that’s why I’m blogging again; more free time but I do see the use in it now. Some of my best revelations come through writing. If I can flow freely on the page then it might spill over into my real life and I can use it positively. You’ll be the second to know J, me being the first!

 

Anyway, on the poker front, and in general, I have a little ideas pad that I want to carry with me at all times so when a blast of inspiration strikes I’m not left frustrated at the end of the day for not remembering it. At the moment, it’s a pen and paper, but being a tech-head I’d love to find a small, stylish, inconspicuous bit of kit that would take it place. Unless of course it’s a beautiful notepad with an elegant Mont Blanc-esque pen to match. Suggestions are welcome! (Edit: I just got an iPhone, and I wrote this prior to that. It’s very good!) One realisation I had today whilst playing was the need to keep betting and driving pots in most situations, even with the weakest of hands. Keep the initiative. The only time I’m realising to slow play is when I actually have a big hand. Non-showdown (NS) pots are a consistent loser for me, and yet after adopting this strategy of driving pots (betting, raising and folding; very little calling) I’m now breakeven on these NS hands if not winning a little. Early days, but graphically the change is VERY obvious. I’m just not fearing the worst about the strength of my hand anymore, I’m actually finding out! I may pry deeper into this in the future as I have done a little analysis and I might post a more technical look at why this is the way it is. Could be interesting.

 

I think I’ve evolved into a different blogging animal (an exploration of blog-imals? Maybe later!) A little more open; a lot more honest with myself. Not that I had many readers before but I hope this inspires others to let go a bit and spread their wings. I already feel as if this could drive me to heightened adventure experiences. At least I’ll have somewhere to recount them, and learn the lessons from them all over again. More about life, poker, philosophy……etc. to come. Good luck to you, and me.

 

“If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you’d go out of your way to share a little of every meal you ever had with someone.” - Gandhi