When you think of a design ideal there are perhaps deadlines or time constraints and that the idea itself evolves radically faster than you might expect it too. Not necessarily to its detriment or to it’s full potential either. Organic design, that of nature can take millions of years to produce a brilliantly complex design based on simple rules. Life is a perfect example. So squeezing a solution out in short spaces of time will surely never capture the problems essence in its entirety. A different, less considered and more flowing, instinctual design process could yield surprising results. Prototyping, where solutions good and bad are quickly processed through a trial and error phase, is still key to this idea, but the creative process I feel could be much more!

One of the things that I see when I’m playing poker is how my willingness to make a particular play can be affected by the amount of money involved, i.e. hindering my flow. To this I suppose I can easily say a solution would be to increase my bankroll requirements so that there really would be no amount of money that would sway my decision at a particular level although a balance should be achieved to make sure i’m never reckless with my money. At the moment, my BR strategy is quite aggressive from what I understand. I am comfortable with only 20 buy-ins at a particular level before I move up in stakes. Even at a bb/100 rate of 8, I think the potential for 20 buy-in downswings is relatively high (I won’t go into the maths but it’s well within 6-9 months of my standard game play). This April just gone I had to endure a 30 buy-in downswing, dropping through the levels to equate for the losses. My opponents having the goods almost all the time, and not obviously given their range either. That’s not to say I played flawlessly, because I didn’t. It is true to say though, that it’s inevitable no matter how I play.

The issue with applying an organic game methodology though requires some very stiff rules regarding BR requirements. Perhaps in the region of 80+ buy-ins per level. I don’t want to feel stagnant and inflexible by this BR strategy. That said if I feel the “grind” I can always have what I might call a “cheat” day. Athletes often term this a day when they forget the regular training routine and do & eat whatever. I may jump up a level to renew my perspective and relieve any monotonous feelings. Not such a bad idea! As for organic play, it’s really about just letting loose and going with whatever feel and reads you get from the game. It’s more likely that we learn from our peers and their styles, emulating their methods hoping to produce the same results. However, if you know the mechanics of the game you can certainly just do what you feel and attempt to learn from it! This really is where giants leaps are taken and great things can be achieved.

Hanging on the coattails of those that went before you will only lead to second place, and as nice as that is…first is better! My instincts tell me that the variance applying this kind of methodology may well be high, and frankly in my game that really isn’t desirable. My game however has improved recently as I understand ranges better and variations in odds analysis with regard to profitability. When all is said and done, the next time I look for answers, I’ll be more open & flexible with originating my ideas and solutions, not with what’s available, not even with what I think is possible, but with what feels natural. EVERYTHING is natural, so being liberal with my ideas should maximize their simplicity through a sort of evolutionary thinking.

I was watching a TED video of a prodigal talent named Jennifer Lin. At just 14 years old she is already a phenomenal pianist. She was performing for the gathered audience and thankfully spoke a little about her approach to composing. The main topic of the conference was Sync & Flow and she spoke of how she creates small inspired melodies, and then draws upon her knowledge of structure and planning to flesh out the details into a meaningful piece of music. She also touched on her fondness for art and how her approach to character drawing is much the same. Her method is to pick out a small detail of style or demeanour that caught her attention and build her main idea around it. I was able to see many parallels between this and my own creative process in choosing the betting line to take in a poker game. The upshot of it was her improvisation of a piece from 5 random notes picked by a member of the audience (none other than Goldie Hawn who came up to the stage!). Jennifer made an arrangement from the 5 notes and then played a short musical piece on the spot!

Her knowledge of linking, bridging and general understanding of continuity in tempo, tone and style led to a brilliant performance. All the more impressive given how it was created. In poker, continuity of tempo and style are of key importance in telling a good “story” to your opponent to manipulate them as you wish. When you can’t tell a coherent story, your opponent will take the lead from you and often times, the pot. It made me think of the 5 actions available to me on each street (Bet, Call, Check, Fold, Raise) much like the notes given to ms. Lin prior to her improv. Not only am I able to map out all probable courses of actions if I wish, I have sufficient understanding to know what they represent and if the story my opponent or I tell through them is coherent. For example, I could perfectly represent a set each hand every time, but the frequency of my actions would present the truth.

Another consideration of sync & flow in a poker game is Table Image. The ability of a player to switch up his style based on what his opponents believe he is capable of doing will add vastly to their winrate. Just today it really hit home just how big a part respect is at a poker table. I was working on some stats and decided to play one table at a $1/$2 6-max NL holdem game. I pulled a fairly standard move on a stealer and in retrospect, it wasn’t a well timed play but it will illustrate my point well, and also just how quickly people will adapt to these specific circumstances. Here is the hand history…

No-Limit Hold’em, $2.00 BB (6 handed)

saw flop | saw showdown

Button ($116.30)

SB ($395)

Hero (BB) ($257.05)

UTG ($489.65)

MP ($190.20)

CO ($107.55)

Preflop: Hero is BB with 4, 5

2 folds, CO bets $7, 2 folds, Hero raises to $24, CO calls $17

Flop: ($49) 6, 4, 8 (2 players)

Hero bets $24.50, CO raises to $75, Hero raises to $150, CO calls $8.55 (All-In)

Turn: ($216.10) 10 (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($216.10) J (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $216.10 | Rake: $3

Results:

Hero had 4, 5 (one pair, fours).

CO had J, K (one pair, Jacks).

Outcome: CO won $213.10

He went on to tell me that I had done something similar to him (without getting to Showdown) about 7 hands ago, it was actually 12 because I checked. Either way, I got all the money in as about a 70/30 favourite as I expected. I knew I had done this a few hands ago and felt he was playing back at me with less than the best hand, thus I moved All-In. He told me he played it that way due to lack of respect for my range, which is entirely understandable. It just shows how quickly he adapted and changed his methods against me. I heard Jennifer Harman talk of this same thing saying that when she can’t make a believable bluff with AK it’s time to move, leave, or take a break to get her table image back to something useful to her. Wise words! Knowing this means that I’ll be reducing my multitabling for a while so that I can learn to incorporate this new strategy focus into a habit.

I can see now that to break free of the constraints of my knowledge of the game and be creative, much like ms. Lin, I’ll have to immerse myself in the details of the actions I’m capable of taking as well as paying more attention to style and how it looks to my opponent. Very applicable to life in general I think!

I have the capacity to do it so why leave it to chance when I have the power to master it!

I recently spent two days in Le Touquet, France, playing golf, a little poker and having a lot of laughs! I thought I would write about it as it was a good trip and I wanted to share a record of it. This is day one so let me know what you think and i’ll post day two sometime in the future.

Two of my friends and my brother were picked up at the ridiculously early time of 5am, (unfortunately necessary) and from there we spent the best part of 4 hours joking around and listening to dodgy music from my mates police, duffy, and Dire Straits albums. Crossing the toll roads into France we were under a deluge of fog which made it look as if the bridge we were on was floating. Not great for a golf trip when you can only see 50 yards in front of you. Thankfully the weather cleared but the cold set in. I hate playing in the cold. I’m never able to play well due to not being able to feel my hands yet i’ll always go. Such is the allure of golf! Although I was excited to be playing abroad I think these trips are best left for the summer.

Anyway, we arrived at Le Manoir hotel which was pleasent and were allowed to check in with our best French lingo a little earlier than our 3 o’clock appointment.

We dropped our bags off and made our way over the road to the Le Foret course. A parkland course set amongst lots of pine trees. I wasn’t impressed with it given that the first two holes had temporary greens and the condition of the rest of the course was not much better. Needless to say I didn’t shoot a good round as did two of the others. One guy played well considering the conditions, shooting sub 100. I think the course is more of a space filler, it’s not very scenic. Even for winter greens they were over sanded (to stop them freezing) which made them less consistent. I tried to keep my moaning to a minimum but even so it wasn’t a very cheery day to start our trip with.

Looks better in the summer!

Thankfully the evening loomed and the four of us got changed quickly
at the hotel and made our way out to the town of Le Touquet. Being a coastal area the setup of the streets was much like something we have in England. Memories of Brighton sprang to mind yet I can say without a doubt the beach at Le Touquet was nicer, very panoramic and sandy. A quality stretch of seafront for sure. We watched the sand-yachts on the beach with their three wheeled buggies using the strong breeze to get up some roaring speeds. We thought about making some enquiries but it seemed that they were private and not for hire. We’ve had a few memorable go cart races between us and so this seemed like a great idea. It wasn’t to be though so we settled for some French adventures in town. The promenade was mainly homes with most of the restaurants and bars set back into the side streets so we wandered, coming across numerous enticing waterholes but we only had time for a few. We settled on a rustic looking pub that stretched a lot deeper into the building than we thought and made our way through with a particularly expensive round of drinks from the very friendly staff. With our French only passable at best our English served us well enough. Knocking back a few beers with the guys, playing pool and some pinball wizardy was a welcome respite from the cold. Given the currency valuations the folk in France appear not to have changed the price tags of the goods you can buy and are certainly making the most of the favourable economic climate. I can’t say I blame them! Either way we had a few drinks and laughed at our inadequate linguistic skills, recalling the earlier events of the day where our friend attempted to ask for the breakfast ‘menooo’ at McDonalds and hopelessly failed much to our pleasure and amusement. He quickly gave up after getting louder stating he only wanted a double cheeseburger, but thought better of it as the response was a fast jumble of elegant French. We went in and he was left to point at the menu for his order. Priceless!

So, we quit the drinks and made our way to an easy going diner with a fairly authentic looking menu. Three of us had a set 3 courses and one other made up his own. I had a warm goats cheese salad with homemade batch bread, accompanied by a zesty sauce I can’t remember, followed by a flavoursome medium done steak in a cream and shallot dressing, and steamed new potatoes, finished with a desert of homemade chocolate and a tart raspberry ice cream. Very nice. An overly strong onion soup was left by one of us and served as a reminder of local tastes or bad cooking, we weren’t sure which!

A few bottles on vino later and we made our way down to the local
casino to get into the poker cash game we’d found earlier. We couldn’t resist sampling the local casino. After killing a little time the game began and two of us were sat 7 handed at a 1/2 euro game. Trying to gauge the competence of the table whilst a little drunk was a fun time but knowing a bit about common euro tendencies I had no doubt it would be soft and passive. I wasn’t wrong, Fishtastic! I got into the thick of things quickly enough with straddles being the norm, multiple limpers entered and I found 99 in the SB. I felt I didn’t want to push my luck just yet, and I was sure a raise would be called anyway, so decided to take good implied odds and just call. The flop came 466 two tone. not bad for an overpair but only when raised preflop, dangerous times. I checked and it made it’s way round to the button who led for just over half pot about 7 euro. I opted to call and we made it to a turn 2 handed. I checked again, another half pot bet on an offsuit 2 turn by my opponent, I called. The river brought a king, with no flush and a very unlikely straight getting there on the turn I looked to check call. That’s precisely what occured and I put in the 12 euro to see a showdown and my French opponent turned up J6 off suit to show flopped trips. Always possible but so be it. I think maybe I couldve been more agressive preflop but my reading of the game wasn’t terrible at the time. My line although passive was more of a feeler into the game, not standard by any means, and frankly that one would have got expensive very quickly had I raised preflop!

The table fool was sitting 4 seats to my left and was in almost every pot regardless of the price. This hand in particular, he had straddled and the table folded to me in the CO with AJo. I opened for a pot sized bet but negated the straddle so it was more of a minraise to the fish, a small mistake perhaps. The BB called as did the fish. The flop was J high and two rags. The BB checked and my target opened for just short of half pot for 8 euro, I had about 60 bb left and decided I was getting it in but only against him. He could quite easily have a worse J in his hand. I raised to about 30 and had 30 euro back. My opponent called. The turn blanked and he bet small again giving me opportunity to shove. I did. My friend asked if I was going to double up as if he was confident I would. I on the other hand said “maybe” as I wasn’t sure once my opponent casually called after thinking for a moment. Sure enough he flipped over a passively played KK and I was looking to suck out on a river. Not to be, I was railed by a bad player. Gracious as I am I offered my praise and it was accepted. I opted not to rebuy as it was getting late even though I knew it was massively +EV poker just to be at the table, C’est la vie! Watching a little longer he proceeded to spew his chips to others with such gems as calling allins of 100 bb’s with A4o. Classic. I was too tired to care for the most part and was looking forward to getting back to the hotel as were the others. After seeing my friend make an easy 150 euros we returned at just before midnight looking to get a good nights sleep prior to playing the championship links course, La Mer, noted as in the top 100 courses in Europe. Knowing todays weather we expected a blustery day two…

The testing links course of La Mer

 Check me out on www.twitter.com/tmte.

A strange question really but what it means is a question of whats in your control, and equally as important, what isn’t?!?

So, What’s in your hand? What are you wired to do? What is your identity, your income, your influence?

With all the things you can use to influence the world you inhabit, what are you doing with those opportunities and are you doing enough with them? Could you do more?

Simply put, yes! We can always do more to enhance our own potential by learning new things all the time to help us get what we want out of life. At the moment i’m in a losing period of poker play so for the past two days and potentially forever, (I won’t make a light remark like this and not mean it!) I have been analysing my game from all angles including adding new moves and deep hand analysis. As I said in a previous post, My Learning Process, I was unsure of whether a constant learning of new technical material would improve my game quicker as I wondered whether it would affect my winrate in the short-term. This game, however, is ALL about the long term and so I can’t know if I don’t try. Besides, it has occured to me that I’m missing a trick here and think it wise to pursue this path until I know otherwise. Right now, I’d say it’s much more worthwhile just practicing all the techniques you can as you might just pick up on a profitable situation you couldn’t see before. This has proven to be very true.

What are the unique and innovative uses for your talents? Don’t be held back by fear to do the amazing. Something is only impossible until it’s not. To that end, don’t deny your own abilities, hone them. Look at what you can do and reach out beyond your limitations and do more than you thought you could with what you have. Many inventions start off as something entirely different to what the inventor originally intended them for. Honing your talents is much the same, as you never know just how you’ll end up using them. Poker has been a revelation to me on so many fronts its difficult to mention them all!

As an aside, I applied my Horse Racing system very effectively at the Aintree Grand National meeting last weekend. Backing 22 (3 Wins, 5 Places; +20 Points to Level stakes). Laying 76 (69 Wins, 7 Losses; +34.51 Points to Level stakes). A very profitable meeting for me, the people I gave tips to have been very appreciative

Good luck, Check me out on www.twitter.com/tmte.

I’ve just joined Twitter. My username is tmte. Look out for updates of various descriptions as I have no idea just how interesting or useful this could be! Later.

This post is going to be a little random as i’ve had lots of things going through my mind recently and thought I would make a single post of it all!

Make of it what you will…

Would it be disconcerting to truly grasp how small and potentially insignificant we are as humans in relation to the universe? Or would it fill you with wonder and excitement?

I watched an interesting video from a TED conference by Jill Tarter about SETI and it’s work. It considered the relationship between us and the potential for extra-terrestrial life. As insignificant as we may be, and as it may end up being, how little time we have as individuals to live, it makes me want to contribute something significant to humanity and at the same time, pushes me to pursue selfish wants. Needs maybe, but like I said before, they appear trivial on reflection. I’m sure there is an element in all of us that feels this way, however skewed it may be from acceptance to repulsion.

Similarly (bear with me), i’m currently reading a book on Andrew Wiles’ famous mathematical pursuit of proof of Fermats’ last theorem, and although the effort is admirable, the HOPE that the results will provide usable dramatic change for humans is speculative at best. Or provide results at all in SETI’s case! Even Wiles knew that his pursuit of an answer would yield little more than personal satisfaction, and perhaps a few advances in Number Theory, code encryption, etc. I oversimplify, but you get my meaning. So, my link between these apparently different topics is that age old question of Why?

The mathematician G. H. Hardy wisely noted, that although his work was in all likelihood useless is was something of undeniable worth. The question was whether it was of any value?

So, Why are we here? Why am I doing what I do? I thought about working for TED, but why bother? Don’t get me wrong, I know why I should and I still adhere to those altruistic beliefs but the question remains. In laymans terms, I haven’t found a logical proof as of yet!

I also got to thinking about work ethics. I often think that we could do more, and I’m 100% right, but at what cost to us? To what benefit? Reading this back, it feels like more of a motivation issue. More on a traders interesting perspective on that in another post. There is a significant degree of difficulty combining these wants and needs into a satisfying life. I can attest to that as can most people i’m sure.

On the poker front, I’m always thinking of ways to deepen my understanding. Not just improve by vicarious experience, but philosophically entrench myself in the kind of self analysis that is akin to enlightenment. I want to REALLY understand people and poker is the most obvious test bed that I can practice on where I have any experience. What cues are there that I miss that tell me the exact info I want to know? It’s an exciting and intriguing prospect to even contemplate. It’s why I love to play, the psychology of it all. The need for that ultimate attention to achieve nirvanic insight.

Anyway, thats what’s on my mind for now. Until next time…

Something that got me thinking recently was the process of learning. More specifically, MY process of learning.

When i’m doing well, or have learnt something new that I get immediate tangible results from (like i’m experiencing now), I seem to have a tendency to slack off from direct learning. It’s frustrating to know this and not remedy it as much as I think I should, or could! I feel this is an interesting point for discussion because no matter how much I feel i’m limiting myself here, I have this underlying belief of “If it isn’t broke, don’t try to fix it!”.

Here’s the common cycle. I have a problem; I work to resolve it; I resolve it (fully or partially); I stop the learning process beyond my new knowledge; I let the new knowledge settle in, practicing it; I wait for the next minor catastrophe!; Repeat cycle.

Is this wise, to just focus on making the new skill habitual? Even though I may be getting out paced by even newer information that is out there to learn? I can’t say for sure, as it’s not something i’ve really committed to. I feel it may be down to my personal enrgy as well. The learning process can be draining enough, yet implementing the new skill in a high pressure fiscal environment is also draining, and to add more new information to this already stressed situation may well lead me to overload and set back my learning curve. Maybe? Too much info is often believed to be a bad thing all at once, but is it? What am I losing? What am I gaining?

I’d rather be a fast success than a slow one. I heard it said by Malcolm Gladwell that natural talents don’t neccesarily exist. That no matter how hard he looked, it was always the guy who outworked everyone else that had greater success in his field of study. I’m inclined to agree. I’d say we believe otherwise because we simply don’t see the effort they put in behind closed doors. To say someone has natural talent is what we hope, not what we know, because it relieves us from the responsibility of our own actions. No-one wants to hear they could have made it if they just tried harder, but sadly, it’s true. Hard work trumps everything.

It’s like a job interview. When you try to convince your new employer how good you might be in the FUTURE, it’s just words. Eloquently put i’m sure. But all he wants to look at is what you have done on your CV in the PRESENT. The chat is just a formality to see if you’re likeable. It’s the same with learning. Your current skillset is something you know you can improve upon in the FUTURE. However, the game you’re in doesn’t care and will rely on what you can do in the PRESENT to determine a result. So, do we risk continuously diminishing our potential returns now for a perceived greater payoff in the future by continuosly learning and performing at the same time? Should we settle for consistently realising a smaller percentage of our capabilities each time we compete? Or do we hone our new skill to it’s relative peak and achieve higher returns for the short-term with the foresight that further improvement will come later on in our quest for expertise, and inevitably better returns on our investment?

I suppose my question is, Which will return the greater cumulative results?

…and how the hell can you measure that?!?! If you know, i’d like to hear it.

Check me out on www.twitter.com/tmte.

Pretty good today, +$200 ish and given the sample size I’m pleased with that (around 900 hands). Yesterday I won about $50 so a very small profit but worthwhile nonetheless. I cleared the hand target by a good 200-300 a few days ago but fell short today. A mix of fatigue, and not getting started early enough through other reasons. Mainly my brother. He works alongside me these days and I was watching him, analysing his play which for the most part has some large holes in it. Easily solved in my opinion. This unfortunately was realised by him into a 4-5 buy-in loss in a short time period, so I sat and observed a bit, trying to guide a little. Admittedly, I’m not the best teacher, yet what I lack in that area of expertise you can be sure I make it up through my knowledge of the game. It would be useful to him if he would listen and not get so defensive.

To be honest, this has been the situation for some time, and my patience is a little thin on the ground given my own stresses that I have to deal with. My tone is probably not at its most persuasive, but really, I don’t see him putting the work in like I did to learn the game, when he should be! I question his commitment to it, and inevitably it makes me want to help him less.  Disappointing, as I would love us to both be successful at this, but I’m not sure if that will ever happen now given his temperament. Maybe he’ll just learn that psychological side of the game slower than I did.

I’m not going to exhaust myself trying to make up for the supposed deficit of hands that I should have played, but I will endeavour to make a concerted effort to beat it again. I feel a little silly even mentioning it as I used to crush that number and put in 3000+ hands a day quite easily. I’m sure I can move past even that, and a controlled effort will help me maintain that work rate when I do achieve it again.

As well, I feel more comfortable breaking out of poor starts recently. As it seems that is the norm. However, I don’t believe it to be down to bad play but more just the run of the cards. I took some pretty cold deck hits early on like set over set (against the fish I was targeting! Uhh!), flopped straights vs. my over pair (Fish again) and then watched him lose it gradually through the day to other people, typical! However, I did the same thing  to some other fish that was winning from better players and then giving me the money, so patience won out again and I finished profitably. It certainly helps my confidence knowing I can get out of a hole in a relatively short space of time.

A positive day, monetarily and mentally as well. I’m coming to terms with a lot of changes in my life right now, and the whole prospect of seeking out a better life again is quite exciting and fulfilling. Who knows what the possibilities are? Something I said in an earlier post caught my attention about how i’m focusing better using music. I did a fair bit of study as an Undergraduate in Sport Sciences into the psychological effects of music and tempo, on workrate and stamina. I’m very proud that I can say i’ve drawn many useful lessons from those years that are holding me in good stead now. Just thought i’d mention it

Next Task: Once I settle in my new home, I can get a routine going again and really get down to work. There’s a lot that I want to do again. More sport (Basketball, Golf); more trading (Forex, Stocks); more partying and meeting new people. Got to build the confidence for that one again seeing as I’ve been out of the dating game for sooooo long. A focused look at my health and how I can improve it consistently. A little attention here and there really won’t cut it nor should it (It’s a big deal! The biggest!) so i’ll make sure to spend a suitable amount of effort on those issues.

Until next time…

Well, were through February into March and I’ve been trying to hit the poker tables with as much energy as I can muster, without burniing out! It’s not like they’ll be going anywhere so i’ll settle for about 80% maximum effort, much like Tigers golf swing.

Early on things started very nicely averaging about 3000 hands a day spaced over two 3-hour sessions of 6-7 tabling. About +$800 in a few days. I’ve begun breaking my time up into ’sessions’ as I just don’t feel it’s in my best interests to be at a screen for that long, concentrating that hard for any significant period of time. It falls under my task remit of improving my stamina and protecting my health so it’s a decent start.

I’ll admit that I have in the past had a ’slow starter’ issue whenever I’ve first begun a session. By that I mean I would suffer losses (perhaps avoidable) within the first hour or so of the session consistently. This fact alone would MAKE me stay at the tables until I had reached my targets. I don’t want to be forced to do anything that makes me uncomfortable so it’s definitely an area I have improved on. Now, my results early on are more consistent, which I believe is as a result of an improved ability to focus on the task at hand. Preparation is vital in getting in to the right frame of mind right from the outset, as any mistakes could be very costly for me!

After just short of a week, I got ill. A tonsilitis like affliction which completely stopped me! I really don’t get ill often at all, but when I do, it kicks my ass. I’d usually work through it but not this one. I’m glad to say that the 500mg drugs do work. Penicillin that is, and things are rapidly improving. I should be at full speed again very soon. It led to a few nights of good results though.

Having wrecked my sleep patterns, I was wide awake into the UK small hours and playing the American poker clientele rather than my usual Euro crowd. The games are SOFT! It actually surpised me. It could be I stumbled upon some particularly good tables, but i’ve been doing this long enough to think otherwise. Depending on my financial motivation, there may be a case to work the night shift from time to time. From those sessions I roughly took an extra +$900, about 3 or 4 buy-ins, from not many hands at all. The feeling I had though was that it came easily. Good play, good variance, the results are still the same.

As an aside, I played a great Golf course recently called Pyrford here in the UK. A members only club, but we made arrangements through a friend. I acquitted myself well on what turned out to be a particularly cold day on the most difficult course i’ve ever played on. 106 shots taken. Not a milestone round by far, but about right for me given the conditions. Encouragingly, my swing is improving. I tried alot of technical changes out and I controlled them well. A lack of distance I feel is my downfall, not that I hit short though. Just not long enough. I’m hoping to rectify this with more committal to my backswing. Extra torque, extra distance. I just have to control it! My guys will be in for a shock once I nail it.

Another fairly good day today, about +$377 I think. I also beat my daily average hands played across two sessions, the first session longer than the second. So I’m keeping the work rate up which is great. I have to say sometimes I wonder if blogging about these things is really worth anything, is it? Let me get self critical here for a moment. I suppose the whole process has some cathartic element to it, and it proves a useful outlet for my thoughts if I have nowhere to express them. However, I admit that I’m apprehensive about being too open on here. Human nature I suppose. As I type I’m still questioning its worth and how explicit I’d like to be in these posts about my life itself and not necessarily just about my gambling exploits. As frowned upon as gambling is I still feel very comfortable being open about that side of my life. Personal matters less so. A few prominent questions in my mind include, am I capturing anyones interest with this? Am I entertaining anyone with this? Should that concern me? Who am I doing this for? Even though it’s likely entirely for my benefit, why am I so worried about alienating anyone who might read this, despite my obvious anonymity?

There’s also the question of effort involved. I have a trait that makes me want to not settle for a half hearted effort so I MUST do everything I’m involved in well or not at all. My need to achieve this relative perfection de-motivates me I’m sure, but I still try. Blogging then, I can now see, is something that I WANT to do and not just something I should do. The thought of connecting a few of my thoughts to real life responses, from real people in the world out there, is an exciting prospect that obviously keeps the blogosphere churning out thousands upon thousands of posts everyday from millions of people enthusiastic about the same thing. It undoubtedly makes me return here as well. Just the thought of open collaboration gets me excited!

I feel somewhat daunted by the idea that I should blog everyday, like I’m competing for the attentions of readers out there. Thats not me at all. It weighs on me that I’m not willing to achieve that, even though I know I am capable of it; it’s whether I want to. Do I have anything valid to say? Does that even matter?

I think I have to accept that I’m not anyone else other than myself. If I were to try otherwise, I’d fail. I’ve never liked failure but I know it’s a part of the journey to success. So I’m not going to compare myself, in a blogging sense, what’s the point eh? How can I make a comparison between us, we’re entirely different, but we just express ourselves similarly. Not in words, but in type. Interesting little play on words there huh! I liked it J and I hope you did too. But it’s ok if you didn’t. I guess that’s what it comes down to.

Way off topic, but then again…I am the topic, an exploration in progress.

I’ll be a bit open here. I feel I owe it to my honest nature. You never know what good things can happen if you don’t put yourself out there. Recently, I broke up with my LOOOONG term girlfriend. We were together 14-15 years, longer than many marriages, yet we were not at that stage in my eyes. Close but not quite. I’ve always believed I would be married once and once only. I still think like that which is why I wanted to be sure. You might think 14-15 years is too long to be making that decision. I have thought did I waste my time? But what’s the point in thinking that way. It was what it was and I found out what I needed to know.  I’m sure that’s why I’m blogging again; more free time but I do see the use in it now. Some of my best revelations come through writing. If I can flow freely on the page then it might spill over into my real life and I can use it positively. You’ll be the second to know J, me being the first!

Anyway, on the poker front, and in general, I have a little ideas pad that I want to carry with me at all times so when a blast of inspiration strikes I’m not left frustrated at the end of the day for not remembering it. At the moment, it’s a pen and paper, but being a tech-head I’d love to find a small, stylish, inconspicuous bit of kit that would take it place. Unless of course it’s a beautiful notepad with an elegant Mont Blanc-esque pen to match. Suggestions are welcome! (Edit: I just got an iPhone, and I wrote this prior to that. It’s very good!) One realisation I had today whilst playing was the need to keep betting and driving pots in most situations, even with the weakest of hands. Keep the initiative. The only time I’m realising to slow play is when I actually have a big hand. Non-showdown (NS) pots are a consistent loser for me, and yet after adopting this strategy of driving pots (betting, raising and folding; very little calling) I’m now breakeven on these NS hands if not winning a little. Early days, but graphically the change is VERY obvious. I’m just not fearing the worst about the strength of my hand anymore, I’m actually finding out! I may pry deeper into this in the future as I have done a little analysis and I might post a more technical look at why this is the way it is. Could be interesting.

I think I’ve evolved into a different blogging animal (an exploration of blog-imals? Maybe later!) A little more open; a lot more honest with myself. Not that I had many readers before but I hope this inspires others to let go a bit and spread their wings. I already feel as if this could drive me to heightened adventure experiences. At least I’ll have somewhere to recount them, and learn the lessons from them all over again. More about life, poker, philosophy……etc. to come. Good luck to you, and me.

“If you knew what I know about the power of giving, you’d go out of your way to share a little of every meal you ever had with someone.” - Gandhi